The Science Behind the Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger

The previous Blog reminded me of something about which I have wondered for quite some time. Pardon me while I imitate Wikipedia for a moment; Cialis is a pharmaceutical product designed to compete with the existing and more popular Viagra, produced by Pfizer. Both products are dedicated to creating or enhancing the male erection for those amongst us who are unable to achieve a sufficient erection by their own design or on their own volition. Viagra is designed to work quickly over a short period of time, a more natural life span of the adult erection. Cialis turns the male into a teenager again, capable of marathon sex and dry humping everybody and everything in sight, including women, men and the occasional small animal with his new found erection. I am sure everyone has grown tired of the warnings which accompany every prescription drug commercial. A typical warning goes like this, “although this product will cure your every ailment and make you feel great, there is a possibility that you may experience hives, acne, dry heaves, strong urges to gamble, kill animals and molest small children, male lactation, purple poo, anal fissures, loss of eye sight, numb hands, numb feet, loss of blood, public urination, projectile vomiting, excessive flatulence, shitting a Yugo, toilet surfing, post mature ejaculation, and instantaneous death during the use of this product.” While Viagra has resorted to commandeering the songs of dead kings, Cialis has turned a warning into its selling point “If you experience a four hour erection, consult your physician”. I can think of many things I would do with a four hour erection, but consulting my physician does not make that list.

One more thing about these commercials. Both products warn that they may cause a “significant drop in blood pressure”. This warning is not only a helpful tip, but provides an insight into both the biology and psychology of the male human being. Men are simple creatures. We are not that far from the cave on a fundamental level. We like breasts, cars, trucks, playing in the mud and dirt, and we enjoy our own erections, sometimes to our detriment. The human body is an amazing machine and it runs on blood. Should blood fail to circulate to a particular area of the body, that area will begin to die within a few minutes and permanent damage can occur. This medical certainty explains brain damage and the loss of limbs, but also helps explain why men act the way that we do in certain situations. You see, the male erection robs the brain of the necessary blood for us to function properly. This medical certainty explains why when we see bare breasts, and even cleavage we lose the ability to form complete sentences, why we will occasionally drool on ourselves and miss our mouths while trying to feed ourselves. To quote a phrase, God gave us a brain and a penis, and not enough blood to run both at the same time. ITS JUST SCIENCE. If you are a woman reading this, I hope you are finally able to fully understand the handicap that men labor under at least 45 times a day. If you are a man reading this, forget how men are supposed to act in this new culture and join with me in celebrating our power, and our failures, but always remember that there is biological reason for both.