Mr. Watson Come Here, I want to see you.. But First, Leave a Message

I was at the office on this Saturday morning returning calls that I didn't make yesterday. I got a client's voice mail box and the greeting said "Hi you've reached John Doe, please leave a message and I'll return your call as quickly as possible. I did not leave a message because I found the digital greeting completely fraudulent. First, I did not reach John Doe, had I reached John Doe, I would be talking to him instead of being asked to record a message. Second, saying you'll return my call as quickly as possible is a lie. As quickly as possible would imply that as soon as the phone's owner sees that he has missed a call he will return it, every single time, which is completely untrue. There are things we don't like to do while we're on the phone, eating for example. A more accurate greeting would have gone like this "Hi, you've reached the voice mail of john doe, please leave your name and number and I'll return your call after I deal with the more immediate and pressing needs which have more priority than your phone call."

The other day I called a cell phone which greeted me with music. This intrusion just angers me. I hate listening to any music in the morning and there is nothing worse than to pick up my phone at 8 AM to return a call and instead of the comforting silence before the call connects I am greeted with some stupid hippety hop song blaring in my ear, or some insipid guitar boy singing as high as a girl. I spit coffee across my desk. I don't understand the concept of putting a song you like in place of a ringing sound. The only way you'll ever hear it is if you call yourself, and nobody does that. I think the phone's owner does this to expose other people to the music that THEY like. This scenario is analogous to my duct taping someone to a chair and forcing them to listen to my music for awhile. They wouldn't like it either. If I could record my own greeting in place of the customary ringing sounds, it would contain my voice saying "Please enjoy the silence while your call is connected, if you can't handle this silence, hum softly to yourself."

Trialdawg

Life Imitates Art

I don't make it a habit to quote song lyrics. I like to write my own stuff, but tonight I just don't have the mental strength. There is too much going on but this needs to be said, courtesy of an old song that I am digging again, 15 years later...

Well I jumped into the river too many times
to make it home
I'm out here on my own, and drifting all alone
If it doesn't show, give it time
To read between the lines
'Cause I see the storm getting closer
And the waves they get so high
Seems everything We've ever known's here
Why must it drift away and die

Good night folks.. Thank God tomorrow is a new day!

KJ and I are together, and on our own.
Trialdawg.

Love, Lies and Audiotape

In a few perfunctory moments you will be treated to an adventure of the history of sound. You will be reminded of how music used to be, before everyone took it so seriously. There are still songs like this around, but they are condemned to the fringe of the scene by people whose tongue can't reach their cheek. Before we begin, you'll want to find your boogie shoes, they are somewhere between your athletic shoes and your clogs.. we'll wait patiently for you.......

Alright, are you back? Good.. Now turn up the volume of your computer, unless you are at work, then listen at a reasonable volume. I promise that this is a real song. Now turn off your inhibitions and any sense of political correctness that you've ever had...You'll probably notice that there is no video, this is normal! This will allow you to close your eyes and savor this wonderful auditory experience.. OK, now press play!



Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you music the way it used to be. The way it should be! Should any of you follow the advice of this song, my number is in the book, and I give free consultations.

Speed, Precision and Safer Barriers.

I jokingly refer to my love of NASCAR as "Watching Cars Go Around In Circles". This euphemism is a nod to the dolts who really believe that this sport is just that. This sport, and it is a sport, something I will be happy to argue with anyone at anytime, is so much about team work, strategy and precision. I use the word precision because I am continually impressed that a driver can go into a turn at over 200 miles per hour and repeatedly make the arc, hit the apex and emerge from the other side. It happens so frequently that some forget how much talent and team work it takes for success. Until something goes wrong, just like it did a few moments ago. Go watch Michael McDowell's crash in Turn one of Texas Motor Speedway during his qualifying run and you'll see what I mean. The best news is that he walked away.

Punchline

I thought of a great punchline today while I was walking to the Courthouse....

And that, children, is why Super Glue is not a suitable substitute for Preparation H.

I'll let you know when I figure out the joke.