Balance

I write the following entry for myself, but the readers are welcomed to read along.

I’ve worked hard over the past few months at my mantra to do better, in everything. The mantra has had some unexpected and unintended consequences. Time has taught me that I suffer from a tunnel vision which seems to focus on one problem with laser-like precision at the expense of all others. I’ve learned that when I commit to something, I do it with my whole heart, body and soul and leave little time for much else. I guess I’ve always been that way, even as a child. I’ve never been a juggler or much of a multi-tasker as I felt I was shortchanging the true task at hand. That focus has served me well at times of great stress in both my personal and professional life, but it has also been a great disservice to those things that weren’t important enough for that great focus. As a result, I’ve been great for a time at many things, a husband, a lawyer, a son and a friend as the circumstances required. On the other hand, my performance in all of those areas over time has been mediocre and at times, an abject failure. When I get into office mode, I suck as a friend, as a son and I really suck as a husband. When I am being a great husband, I am downright neglectful of my practice and the good people that pay our bills.

I am working very hard this year to try to find some balance in my life. I want to continue to practice the best law that I can because that work feeds my soul and puts dinner on our table, but I don’t want to look up one day and realize that I am alone and have pushed every single person away to do what I love to do. I want to spend meaningful time with my wife. I want to hang out with my mom and dad while they are still here instead regretting all the things I should have done after they are gone. I want to spend more time with my brother who makes me feel like a normal person. I want to be a better friend to the friends I have and I want to be more than just a Godparent that sends gifts and money. For the first time in my life, I am a little frightened of what lies ahead because the last two months have been trial and error in pursuit of the balance that I must find. I am afraid that I’ll never find it, but I won’t stop trying. To my friends, thanks for being my friend, even when I’m unfriendly, to my clients, thank you for the opportunity to serve you and the faith you place in Karla and I. To my family, I hope to see you all a lot more. I’ve got a lot to tell Karla, but that will happen over a Valentine’s Day dinner that will mean a lot more than the gifts we’ll give one another.

Be well everybody and Happy Valentines Day.

Trialdawg.