Mr. Watson Come Here, I want to see you.. But First, Leave a Message

I was at the office on this Saturday morning returning calls that I didn't make yesterday. I got a client's voice mail box and the greeting said "Hi you've reached John Doe, please leave a message and I'll return your call as quickly as possible. I did not leave a message because I found the digital greeting completely fraudulent. First, I did not reach John Doe, had I reached John Doe, I would be talking to him instead of being asked to record a message. Second, saying you'll return my call as quickly as possible is a lie. As quickly as possible would imply that as soon as the phone's owner sees that he has missed a call he will return it, every single time, which is completely untrue. There are things we don't like to do while we're on the phone, eating for example. A more accurate greeting would have gone like this "Hi, you've reached the voice mail of john doe, please leave your name and number and I'll return your call after I deal with the more immediate and pressing needs which have more priority than your phone call."

The other day I called a cell phone which greeted me with music. This intrusion just angers me. I hate listening to any music in the morning and there is nothing worse than to pick up my phone at 8 AM to return a call and instead of the comforting silence before the call connects I am greeted with some stupid hippety hop song blaring in my ear, or some insipid guitar boy singing as high as a girl. I spit coffee across my desk. I don't understand the concept of putting a song you like in place of a ringing sound. The only way you'll ever hear it is if you call yourself, and nobody does that. I think the phone's owner does this to expose other people to the music that THEY like. This scenario is analogous to my duct taping someone to a chair and forcing them to listen to my music for awhile. They wouldn't like it either. If I could record my own greeting in place of the customary ringing sounds, it would contain my voice saying "Please enjoy the silence while your call is connected, if you can't handle this silence, hum softly to yourself."

Trialdawg