The Texoma Adventures of Trialdawg and WHU

I’ve been back from the lake for a few days now and it still feels like I am there. My clothes still smell of campfire smoke, my boots show the scorch marks from a small grass fire, the sound of the waves are still in my ears and I’ve got this contented smile on my face. We kept our lake tradition this past weekend of leaving behind a little more than we brought. The casualties from the brutal wind were one tent and one screen house. In blatant disregard of the burn ban, we started a campfire which quickly grew into a small grass fire that consumed a quarter acre of the campsite and one small tree. During the frivolity, a camp chair was broken and then sacrificed on an open flame along with a pair of Will’s Nikes. As I watched the shoes burn, I thought to myself “from ash we cometh and to ash we returneth, and in between we hold the sweaty feet of strangers.”

It was a learning trip. I learned that a 60 mile per hour wind snaps fiberglass tent poles like matchsticks. I learned that a camp fire can melt metal. I learned that its not the size of the tent, its how you use it. I learned that I have a “strange snoring pattern”. I learned that dry grass, when propelled by high wind, will burn at the speed of sound. I learned that while the dry grass burns at the speed of sound, your friend’s inaction should be not attributed to shock or fear, but to a pause for thought while he considers his “inventory of available options”. I learned that it is possible for it be seventy degrees at 8 AM with thunderstorms and twenty degrees at 8 PM. I also learned that the frost point for snot, in one’s own nose, is also twenty degrees. I learned that while cooking hotdogs over an open campfire, the term “wiener roast” can take an extremely painful and literal meaning. I also learned that the term “fire crotch” doesn’t necessarily refer to Lindsay Lohan. I learned what burnt pubic hair smells like.

When I’m at the Lake, I always try to plan for the next one. I want each experience to be better than the one before. Here a few tips as a reminder to myself, and you gentle reader, for a better camping trip:

(1.) If one intends to bring canned food, bring a can opener. This helpful tool will make camping life easier. There is no fun in breaking into a can of baked beans with a butter knife and mallet, and another note, repeatedly throwing that can against a tree or attempting to break it open against a cast iron skillet like an egg doesn’t work either. Bring a fire extinguisher. Fire is an ever present danger on the camp site, particularly when you leave a juvenile delinquent in charge of said fire.

(2.) Bring rope, duct tape and every tent you’ve ever owned. In the event of a wind related malfunction, it is possible to mix and match the poles, the wind flaps, the stakes and even the tents themselves into one gigantic nylon disaster that I have dubbed the “frankentent”. (Copyright and Patent Pending).

(3.) If only two people camp for one night, don’t bring food for twenty people camping for a week. This invites waste and over-indulgence. Do not assume that your party will eat for the entire trip and don’t assume that an entire battalion of paratroopers will land on your camp site and ask for cheeseburgers.

.

On a serious note, it was a great trip. We sat around a hot camp fire and talked about our big plans as we looked into a moonless sky that reminded us just how small we really are. We should be reminded of that from time to time. Man has a tendency to build its problems into things which appear much bigger than they really are. We attach great importance to trivial matters which are best left to fools even at the expense of what really matters. The lake is a centering experience. The lake doesn’t care how much money you have or how important you think you are. It laughs at life’s problems by making you work for the basics of heat and shelter. There is no time to worry about your mortgage or your portfolio or your job. The lake is rewarding because it presents small problems that I can solve in a matter of minutes. If I am cold, I build a fire, if I need shelter, I erect a tent, several tents in our case. Finally, the lake gives me a chance to take pause and reflect on where I’ve been and where I’ll go next. The lake encourages introspection and awe. Each time I sit on those shores and look at the beauty of those stars, they seem to wink at me as if to say, we know, we’ve been watching you every day and we knew you’d be back. And each year I come back, if just for one night, and am better for the experience. A simple experience, of good conversation, a camp fire, one bottle, two cups and one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I can’t wait to do it again!


Trialdawg.