Trucknuts and Tall Tales

A word before I begin. If you have children, don’t let them read this unless you’ve read it first, and are comfortable with the content. I am not talking about the curse words, the bull ball content nor my sunny sentiment, I am talking about the important veneer that makes childhood great.

I am not unsympathetic to the plight of parents who are trying to raise children in this world that is decidedly child unfriendly. Television, movies, magazines and the other creatures of our pop culture have images and sounds which can lead to some very awkward discussions between little ones and their exasperated parents. I recognize that we must have child friendly zones where children can just be children, unfettered by the world that they will all too quickly discover and live in. However, I also believe that over the past fifty years, some parents have turned into uptight, entitled fear mongers who use their children and grandchildren to mold the whole world into one that suits their own view that anything even remotely awkward should stop. Worse are those that use all children as an excuse to create a world to suit their own definition of righteousness and morality.

Case in point. There is a product called truck nuts. Trucknuts are a plastic representation of a pair bull testicles. They hang from the trailer hitch, ball if you will, of a truck bumper. Proceeds from the sale of truck nuts go to various charities, including the Lance Armstrong Foundation, which funds research to cure testicular cancer. See the connection? There is a concerted effort in this country to ban truck nuts and it has come all the way to State Capitols, including Oklahoma. There have been all manner of excuses to ban Trucknuts. Virginia wanted to ban them because they were distracting to drivers and could cause accidents. Oklahoma legislators are using children to ban them. An Oklahoma legislator actually said “parents should not be forced to talk to their children about the birds and the bees”. I am but a simple country lawyer, so help me understand what the hell these people are talking about. If a child doesn’t know what they are, and a parent isn’t comfortable with an accurate description, then do what every parent does. LIE, LIE your ass off. Tell a lie as big some of the others we tell children. Like an old man comes to your house once a year on his magic, flying sled pulled by his equally magic reindeer and squeezes his fat ass down your chimney, even if you don’t have one, and brings you the very toys that you asked for. You might also make up a story equal to the Easter Bunny, which distributes unfertilized eggs from other animals painted funny colors. Be creative, tell the kids that the truck nuts are a shrunken trailer, or magic beans. Or here’s an idea, just be honest. Just tell them that the truck is MALE. Every kid, no matter how young has the rudimentary knowledge that there are boys and girls, but this concept is too much for some parents to handle. Aren’t there Cialis commercials where these people live?

One more facet to this ludicrous argument is the overlooked fact that Oklahoma is a State where about a billion cattle live, and some of them even have balls, huge obvious balls which make male porn stars envious. Cattle can be seen everywhere in this State and most of us have worked near them at one time or another. My parents didn’t have to worry about this particular conversation with me. Work on a farm for five minutes and all the mystery about life is gone. I began to wonder about more important things. I wondered if my balls would grow to the size of Barney, my Great Aunt’s prized bull. I was concerned because I thought I would look funny wearing pants of that size. Sadly, I never had to confront such a problem.

Finally, I am deeply concerned Virginia will move on to other “distractions” of the driving public, like Corvettes, cleavage and cell phones. If they’ll ban a pair of plastic nuts, they’ll ban everything. On a serious note, there is nothing funny or sexual about the invasion of testicles by cancer. Although some parents would like to pretend otherwise, testicles are as much a part of my body as my arms and any money raised to combat their cancer is a good thing. Even if uptight parents who would rather NOT talk to their children think otherwise.

Trialdawg.

For The New York Times, Self Confidence in Journalism Poses Its Own Risk

I've spent the past few hours doing a little research on an article in the New York Times today. I have done some perfunctory research online, listened to a few denials on television and watched some of the talking heads' reaction to the article. In short, John McCain is accused of having a close relationship with a woman 30 years his junior, Vicki Iseman, who just happened to be a lobbyist for Lowell Paxson and Glencairn Ltd., a telecommunications company that later became Cunningham Broadcasting. Of course, John McCain is McCain from The McCain/Feingold Bill which sought to lessen the influence of Lobbyists on legislators and thus, the legislative process. As if that weren't an explosive enough allegation, the article reaches to find a romantic relationship.

Before I begin my criticism of this article, I am not a conservative, I am not a liberal and I am not a moderate. I vote for ideas based on common sense and what I think is good law. I vote as a Constitutional Lawyer and Scholar, and believe that 95% of law passed today is as dumb as Paris Hilton, and just as useless. This article is dumb because it smacks of sensationalism. The alleged "romantic relationship" is thrown in as an afterthought, a "fear" by two unidentified "staffers" who were "inside" the campaign. SHOCKING! Among the hundreds of people close to McCain in the 2000 presidential campaign two of them thought that he might want to fuck a woman 30 years his junior. In case you don't read the papers, or have lived in cave since birth, 60 year old men like 30 year old women because they aren't incontinent and they don't require an orthopedic pillow to get into the missionary position. This theory is gaining acceptance as is that crazy "flat earth postulate" along with the equally unproven thought that we can never land on the moom. I am astounded at the insight of these two "unidentified staffers". Put them on NASA'S payroll immediately, perhaps we can traverse our lunar landscape soon. In short, there is nothing to even remotely suggest a "romantic relationship", but there are other allegations in the article.

The article gives readers a few of Ms. Iseman's clients along with some of the apparent preferential treatment from McCain. One of them was Glencairn Ltd.

I heard alot about Glencairn Ltd. because they owned an Oklahoma City TV station and in 1999 wanted to purchase another one in the same market, which did occur. This little tidbit isn't in the article, but I know about it because I am from this State, and I agreed with it then and still do. The article does give readers the information that in 1998 and 1999, McCain wrote two letters to the FCC to support deregulation of the industry. McCain also supported other positions and legislation analogous with and beneficial to Ms. Iseman's clients. The "reporters" never use the vast resources at their disposal to check if those positions were out of line with other votes or actions he took in his twenty years in Congress. In short, just because some of his positions are the same as Ms. Iseman's does not a "romantic relationship" nor an "improper influence" make. There are plenty of other questions about McCain that come as a result from this article, but they are lost in the sensationalism of today's reporting. And you sure as hell won't find the answers in this article.

There was a glorious time when the press was a tool for democracy by demanding transparency about the things that mattered in our government, by pinning down the position of a candidate, and using investigative journalism to get to the truth. Today's press, as a whole has turned their focus to the sensational, the innuendo and the fairly obvious. That stuff sells newspapers today, but damn I miss the old days.

Stay tuned. Tomorrow we'll discuss cow balls and car bumpers..

HOLY CRAP!!

The University of Oklahoma just pulled off the most improbable win against the Baylor Bears. We were down by 9 points with 10 seconds to go in overtime. I just can't believe we won that game in overtime and a FOUR POINT PLAY put us over the top by one. The refs called a terrible foul on the ensuing possession resulting in two free throws for Baylor with 1 second left in overtime and HE MISSED THEM BOTH! I had tickets, but watched it on TV instead. HOW STUPID AM I??? GOD I LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL!!!

NEWWWMAN

Karla and I spent the day watching the Daytona 500 (4 hours) and a pre-race (3 Hours) which prompted Karla and I to utter our old stand by quote for long pre-shows, "When do we drink it?". Ryan Newman won, Karla's favorite driver. I was utterly shocked that a Dodge won. SHOCKED I tell you, but it was awful nice to see one of NASCAR's good guys win the year's biggest race. It has been a very nice weekend, and thanks to the day set aside for Presidents, we have one more day to relax. I am sorry to those who have to go back to work tomorrow, I'll be thinking about you from the comfort of my Serta.

Trialdawg.

The police are always right..Suuuure they are...

If you think so, then watch the video below. I'm telling ya folks, there are a lot of times when they are flat wrong, but a very few times, they get caught on tape being as wrong as they usually are..

Feels Like Rain,

And it looks like it too. In fact, I can't remember when I've seen such crazy weather. Last night, there was sleet falling, now we have thunderstorms and a downpour of Cold, gray rain accompanied by thunder and lightning. Very strange indeed. I love these days because I don't feel as unproductive when I stay inside, watch TV and do absolutely nothing but eat and hang out. I haven't wanted to do that much lately as I've had cabin fever, but this weekend will be spent at home cooking and watching cars go around in circles. I hope all of you have a good one as well.

Why I Like Trace Adkins

In case you missed it, Trace Adkins was on Bill Maher last week. He asked a question about which I have long wondered... NOT EVEN CLOSE to being safe for work...

Professing Stand Up In the Light of Legal History

I have long considered the possibility of using my Juris Doctrate for something other than law. Well that’s not entirely accurate, something in addition to law. It seems that I have the opportunity to do something I’ve long dreamed of, teach part time at the University from which I graduated. I have looked into it, would be hired if I applied and I think I would enjoy it. I know I’d be good at it simply because I’ve done a few variants of it in the past, but nothing like this, where my name would be in the Catalog. I’d never be as good at it as my friend WHU, nor would I be as cerebral as my friend Sparx ( I use their nicknames so as to protect their real identities. The statutes of limitations have yet to run on a few things), but I think I could hold my own, and I think I would have fun. I don’t yet know what subject I would teach, but I think I could have fun with the course descriptions.. A few come to mind:

* “I did not have sex with that woman“ A study of Perjury and Impeachment. (A few Lecture titles would be: “Hummer in the Blue Dress, a study of DNA in the face, (or almost in the mouth) of denial”; “It Is What It Is, A Study of what Is actually Is”; “The Starr of the Show, An Independent Counsel Out of Control” and finally “The Good Cigar, A Study of the Vaginal Perversion of Cuban Tobacco.”)

*”The Wide (Right) Stance.. A study of the “Accidental” Homosexual” (A few Lecture Titles would be: “ The 24 Hour News Cycle: The Consequences of a Stupid Plea”; “Deny, Deny, Deny: Never Overestimate the Intelligence of the American People, or the Senate.”; and finally “Don’t You Know Who I Am? The Folly of the Powerful and Deluded”).

* “ Rhyme, Not Reason.. A Study of the OJ Simpson Trial” (A few lecture titles would be “Gloves and Acquittal, if you can rap, you can defend“; “What the Fruck did he say? The Confusing Cross Examination of Henry Lee“; and finally “ The McDonald’s Getaway, the use of Fast Food as an Alibi).

I will let you all know what I decide to do when the time comes, I have several months to consider the opportunity. I hope all is well with all of you and that you’ll consider coming down to the college to take a class with Professor Trialdawg.

Tdizzle

Welcome all my friends to the show that never ends, I'm so glad you could attend, come inside come inside

I want to welcome everyone to my new blog site. I plan to write about things I am interested in and I hope that you all enjoy it. Feel free to leave a comment or two, and to disagree with the opinions I express. I hope that what I write will provoke thought, emotion and laughter. I like to laugh at myself, because I am the butt of some of the best jokes, but I am also prone to laugh at everyone else. Nothing I write here is intended to be mean spirited to a specific person, but some of what I write may hit close to a trait or belief you hold dear. So kick back, relax and enjoy the new blog, I am going to write often and in ways that I couldn't in my previous Myspace blog. I am glad that you are here and I welcome you to The Trialdawg Files, A Life On The Run.